Blog of M.

I have been promising my friend Kendra, aka Kennie, that I would write a blog specifically dedicated to her. Oddly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, but duh!, whatever I say should be from the heart.

I actually saw her for the first time on myspace in a friend’s friendlist. I don’t know why, but something about her profile picture made me want to get to know her. But, I punked out, closed the page and that was it … or so I thought. Turns out that would actually get my chance not only to talk to her but meet her in person. Once again, I punked out and didn’t really talk to her that night either LOL.

Eventually, I stopped being a punk, added her on facebook, which turned out to be a great decision on my part; she is a very awesome person :-)

So, here’s to Kennie, who didn’t think I was weird for stalking her on myspace for a while before we met, and getting to know the real me after having thought me a completely different person (not in a bad way thought), and sends me funny chain text messages to make me laugh, and for generally being a good friend :-)

I have this problem, and it’s somewhat embarassing. Right now, very few people know about it; but I’m pretty sure anybody who pays attention to such things would have figured it out by now, even without me saying anything. This particular issue has pretty much been the biggest impacting factor in my life so far and probably will be until I can change it. By the way, all my past efforts to do that have collectively been EPIC FAIL.

What IS this monumental problem???

Well, the truth is … I am super shy and I have a hard time meeting new people out in public. This problem is exponentially bad when around attractive women. I know what y’all are thinking, because I think it to myself all the time; Matt you should have no problems in that area. And we are all correct; I have no clue why I get so shy around people. I mean, anybody who could routinely get up on a stage in front of a packed auditorium and perform for all those people couldn’t possibly be that shy right? WRONG!!!

Well, maybe not so wrong, or at least my brain says it is …

Anyway, there it is. My embarassing issue. I know, I need help …

I did sometime rather bold tonight … Well, at least for me it wad bold. I got home from work and didn’t feel like spending the night playing Soul Calibur IV, so I didn’t. I went all by my lonesome to list to jazz at Voodoo. In fact, I’m there right now and slightly uncomfortable LOL.

Anyway, that thought segways to experience at bookstore earlier this afternoon. It was the first time in forever that I’ve been to Books A Million, I didn’t realize just how much I missed that place … as I walked my usual circuit, I found myself in a section that I had never visited before; the christian/inspirational section. And before I knew it, I was reading a book called something like “Being single and loving it”. I will rarely read a whole book in one sitting, but it was small enough that did, well everything up to the getting married part. Currently, I am single and not really loving it; in fact, I strongly dislike it. So, I figured maybe I could maybe learn how not to feel all the negative things that society throws at you for being single (like it’s really MY fault!), and interestingly enough, I learned absolutely nothing LOL. But before you say that was a waste of time, let me explain why; everything I read in that book I had been previously told by various other people, including my former gf of all people. But one thing that I took from that book was this, and it applies to more than just my (lack of) relationship and that is that I should never compare my life or situation to anyone else’s. Just because that grass looks greener in someone else’s yard doesn’t mean that it truly is.

I’m going back to listening to Jazz and feeling uncomfortable now, bye :-)

I really had no idea what I was going to write about this morning … I was going to break out the creative writing prompts again and hunt something down.  I’m very glad I checked my email first :-)

Yesterday’s message at church was called “Bold Moves.” During the message, the pastor explained that God has a bias toward bold moves (Hebrews 10:38-39) and then asked what areas of life could we be bold in.  At that time I didn’t really have an answer; I guess the simple answer is everything, because I’m not exactly what you would call a bold person. Anyway, as he went on, he began to throw out suggestions and one in particular caught my attention; “… maybe your bold move is that you need to seriously get to know God and test him, and prove his word …” Hey, that sounds good, right? I mean, its something that I’ve been trying to work on anyway, so maybe that was my confirmation that I’m headed down the right road right now.

Then today, as usual, the first thing I do is check my email. Imagine how I felt when the daily devotional email I got was titled “Dare to Pray Boldly!” Coincidence??? I think not. I’m going to post a little bit of that email for you to read:

You must meditate and constantly think on who God says you are. Make it a mantra that you repeat over and over and over in your mind. Tell yourself:

• “I can do all things through Christ.”
• “I am more than a conqueror.”
• “I am the head and not the tail.”
• “I will receive power and the anointing.”
• “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

When you start speaking these things, meditating on them and listening to who God says you are, you will begin to see your life change and your vision become a reality. When you do, get ready!

Words have a lot of power; anything you tell yourself over and over, you will eventually start to believe.  For the longest time, I would hear other people, and myself, say all kinds of negative things about me and that stuff got into my spirit and I started believing it.  So, what if I made a bold move starting today? What if I told myself that ALL THOSE PEOPLE WERE WRONG about who I am, and I was wrong about who I was believing I am … What if I told myself that I am what God says I am and that I don’t have to feel guilty for wanting the things I want because I really am entitled to it … What if I dared to be bold?

The current time is 07:13, I’ve been awake for only about fifteen minutes; but, in those fifteen minutes, I’ve already experienced a handful of blessings.  A few weeks ago, a co-worker and I were discussing a daily ritual that he and his wife share in writing out a list of five things they were grateful for that day.  While he was talking about it, it made me think of all the things I am grateful for in my life.  At one point in the coversation, he told me  about a day where he was just so upset, that instead of a grateful list, he did a list of things that he was not grateful for in his life, which also triggered a similar train of thought in my head.  At this point, I said something to him that he hadn’t really though about doing; i said “I bet if you went back to that ‘ungrateful’ list right now, you could turn each of those things into something you WERE grateful for.”

This morning, as I realize the first few thoughts I had focused on the clouds hanging over my life (which, honestly aren’t that many and are relatively minor issues), I realized that the old cliche I told him had to apply to my life as well. So, thinking about all those clouds, I can find a silver lining around pretty much every one of them.  That doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with them, because I love sunny days far more than overcast ones, but it does mean that I don’t have to let those things ruin my outlook on life; no cloud lasts forever.

So, with all that said, here goes that list:

• My most persistent cloud: Lack of girlfriend. Silver lining: I have been blessed to have some incredible friends, ACTUAL friends.  Also recently, I’m realizing I have that “one friend who sticks closer than a brother” and wanting to get to know HIM more.
• Cloud #02: Paying bills suck. Silver lining: I have been blessed to find not one, but TWO jobs, even in this crazy economy where people are getting laid off and fired every single day.  My primary job is exactly the stuff I’ve always wanted to do too, so that in itself is also a blessing.
• Cloud #03: Paying bills suck. Silver lining: I have been blessed to MOVE OUT!!!! This time last year, there was no way I could afford rent and utilities and everything else, but now I can. It really feels good to not be living at home anymore.
• Cloud #04: My car doesn’t run as well as it used to. Silver lining: Man, my baby Sileena and I have been on alot of adventures over the years. She was with me at Clemson when I didn’t have any one else to hang wit, she is with me at home when I have no one else to hang wit, we’ve been EVERYWHERE together.  When I was younger, I had a list of 10 cars that I wanted to own, and Sileena was one of them.  Not quite on top of the list, but looking back on it, she’s definitely the most fun :-)

In addition to that stuff, there are the things that people, including myself, take for granted sometimes; I’ve been blessed just to wake up and see another day, I’ve been blessed just to be able to function on my own and not have some one else take care of  me.  As of this sentence, I’ve been awake 42 minutes, or 2,520 seconds. That means I’ve had 2,520 opportunites to just drop dead and I’ve been blessed not to.

Less than an hour awake, and I’ve counted over 2500 blessings that I didn’t have to have …

Three simple words, the one universal question you get asked by everybody you meet.  If you’re like me and do the social networking thing, you have probably filled out more “About Me” sections than you wanted to. I never really have problems with all the other stuff, but that particular section always gives me a headache; I NEVER know what I want to write. I mean, that section is potentially very important, some people will ONLY read that. That first impression you make through your “About  Me” section is what ultimately determines if many people will click that “Add Friend” button on your page.  But, if you go look at all the other profiles I have, none of them really say the same thing, but they all have one thing in common; they aren’t really about me.  So, as I was thinking about what I wanted to write this morning, this was the question that came to mind; who am I?

As I said earlier, I hate filling out the “About Me” sections for a number of reasons: I don’t know what to write, I don’t know how to write it, I don’t know if people will find what I decide to write interesting enough, I’m not sure how honest is too honest or if what I said is too much information … the list goes on and on.  But the sad truth is that I really just didn’t have a good handle on who I was, so there was no way I could tell anybody else. Even as I sat down to write this out, I realized I still hadn’t put together a full picture, but then that is the purpose of this; to put together the pieces and see what I get. Now, let’s take a little journey and see if we can find out a little bit about who I am.

I figure that I should start with the most important element first, because without this, none of the rest of this matters.  This came to my remembrance earlier this month, and since then has been floating at the forefront of my mind. I learned this little mantra back in the day when I was a youngin’ going to Children’s Church from a woman named Patricia Richardson.  At that point in my life, I really didn’t understand it, much less cared about it, but she made us memorize and say it EVERY sunday morning: “I am a glorious child of God; I am smart, I am bright, and I can be whatever I want to be. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I didn’t really feel it back then, it always thought of it as just something she made us do … if I had only known then what I knew now (isn’t THAT the mantra of life sometimes).  This should be the cornerstone of life right here; everything you do and everything you are should be based on that. Because thats what each one of us is; a child of God. Forsake that part of your identity and everything else falls apart.

Next up, my emotional component.  I don’t put much stock into astrology, I think its stupid mostly, but for those that DO; I am a Scorpio.  Basically what that means is that I am a very intense person, and my emotions definitely fit that bill. In fact, intense doesn’t even really begin to describe what I feel sometimes. Overall, I consider myself to be a pretty balanced person emotionally, I don’t really do the mood swing thing for no reason and generally, I’m a pretty happy person. I’m the kind of person that is happy most days because I am alive, able to do things for myself, and I get to leave the house and spend the day with Sileena (Sileena is my 2001 GrandAmGT, who is my girlfriend until God blesses me with a real one LOL). I feel on top of the world, and nothing that day will bother me. But, being human, I am suseptible to my bad days as well and when the negative feelings hit me, they are just as intense as the good ones.  I’ve been told (as well as seen for myself) that when I’m in a bad mood, my WHOLE demeanor changes; I go from Bruce Banner to “MattHULK”. Don’t worry, it takes alot to push that red button, but once the switch has been flipped, please stay out of my way for a while.  This is not a very common occurance though, and I’m very happy to say that I don’t lose my temper with women. Men, don’t make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m angry.  But enough about the bad emotions, time to talk about my personal favorite; love.  Love means different stuff to different people, so I don’t base my definition on what others tell me, I get mine straight from the source (2 Corinthians 13). I’ve been blessed enough to experience it twice in my lifetime, which may not seem like much, but it is enough to know that of all my emotions this one is the most intense.  There is nothing like being in love and being loved; there just isn’t. To me, the most interesting aspect of love is how it acts like a magnifier for everything else. I don’t know if its like that for everybody, but my already intense feelings always get boosted; like if someone you love hurts you, it feels like the weight of the whole universe is crushing you, or if they do something stupid that normally wouldn’t make you angry, it will set off nuclear bombs everywhere. Because of that, I sometimes wished that I wasn’t like this, that my emotions didn’t feel so strongly all the time … but then I remember other stuff like how when you’re in love, EVERYTHING good that happens feels like walking around in heaven and the smallest of gestures seem like world renowed acts of kindness …

Wow, starting to get carried away … see what I mean about the emotions?

I also have this blessing/curse that is my intellectual component.  Now, I don’t claim any level of super intelligence, or that my intellectual processes always yield the results that I want, but one thing is very true of my brain; is STAYS in fifth gear.  It never slows down. EVER. As soon as Matt is awake, Matt’s mind is in analytical overdrive. (Why am I referring to myself in third person???). Most of the time, this doesn’t bother me, because I’ve gotten used to it. In fact, I sometimes find it very interesting and amusing what my mind comes up with when it doesn’t have anything particular to think about, or the “unique” way it can put together ideas and thoughts and stuff that just doesn’t go together and then give me a reason why they do. Of course, there is a dark side to this as well … have you ever been in the situation of something bad happening and you just want to know why?  Well, I find myself there more often than I want, and that coupled with my emotional component makes for a very bad combination.  My mind works alot like a brute force algorithm (term from programming); what that means is that it will EXAUSTIVELY visit EVERY SINGLE CONCIEVABLE OUTCOME that runs through my mind, and when that brute force algorithm attacks a bad situation, it can be very, very depressing, especially when it comes to my self analyzation.  Those are the times I wish most that since God programmed my brain like a computer, that he would give me a killswitch like one too so I wouldn’t have go through that …

Moving on, there is a component that I don’t really know that much about; this mysterious philosophical Matt that only seems to be around between 1am-5am, and more likely to show up if I’ve been up for a long time … basically, I think its when I’m not really fully aware is when that takes over.  The few people that have had conversations with me during that time of night know what I’m talking about.  That component is super introspective as well as deeply emotional; kinda like what I would be maybe if my emotional and intellectual components melded into one somehow.  Maybe this component is the truest expression of who I really am, I can’t say for sure; but one thing I can say is that the philosophical Matt is a very interesting guy.

Then of course is all the normal (and not so normal) basic random information like how I refuse to eat seafood although I’m from Charleston. Or that I have no problems telling a complete stranger “Good Morning” because thats how we supposed to do in the South. Or that I still believe in being a gentleman, and that holding a door for a woman is what you are supposed to do because Momma said so. Or that I have problems remembering things sometimes, especially names. Which, by the way, is what happened if I see you and have a conversation with you and I never used your name once. Please don’t hold it against me, I remember faces very well, and that counts for something, right? I love to sing and I WILL randomly break out into a song at least once in the time you know me. Music is my life. Oh, one more thing; just because I am a man and happen to be black and LOOK like a football player in no way means that I PLAY FOOTBALL! I don’t even like sports, I don’t watch sports, I don’t really care about sports. So, don’t talk to me about sports.

The list could go on and on and on and on and on … but it won’t. Because even after all this writing that I know you read all the way through (:-), it STILL doesn’t say everything there is to say about me; because everyday that I am blessed to see, I change a little bit. Something happens everyday that affects me in some way, and I adapt to handle it. But, I do hope that this gives you something that I’ve only given to a few select people; a glimpse of the man know as Matt.

Now, WHO ARE YOU???

Ok, so I’ve been writing for like the last hour straight, and this was actually supposed to be a poem about meeting a girl, but when pen hit paper, this is what came out. Hope you like it so far :-)

I walk in the club and take a look around for a good spot to just sit down and chill. Although not quite full tonight, the music and lighting give the place an intimate atmosphere that you would expect from the “grown and sexy” crowd.  The waitress comes over to ask if I would like to order something. Since its a little bit warm and I drove, I decided a simple bottle of water would fit the bill for now. As she leaves, I go back to relaxing and enjoying the music, watching the guys and girls on floor dancing … and then I see her.

She strolls in the door, her and a couple friends with her. All of them are dressed to impress tonight, but they all faded away as my eyes followed her to the other side of the room.  That walk … she walked like she KNEW every man in the club was looking at her, only at her … Her every movement, from the roll of her hips to the way her hair flowed, kept me hypnotized.  At that moment, nothing else in the world mattered … she became my world: I only saw her, the only fragrance in the room was her perfume, the only thing I wanted to hear was her voice, the only thing I wanted to feel was her aura next to mine.  My mind was consumed by only one though; I have to go talk to her.

Yeah, I’m captivated; so much so that I never noticed the waitress came back with my water.  I guess it was pretty obvious what I had noticed because after she gave me my drink, she also gave me some information. She is a pretty regular patron, she orders the same drink everytime, and no, she never comes in with another guy or leaves with one either.  I had to wonder to myself, could I REALLY be that lucky that a woman this beautiful is single?

On cue, as if I hadn’t thought it, but shouted those words across the room, she turned in my direction; for the first time, our eyes met.  Now, I don’t really know if the rhythymic thumping I hear was still the bassline of music, or the beating of my heart at that point … my God, those eyes!  Not once in my life had I ever seen eyes like hers; they had a depth that only God could ever know, yet somehow, a brightness that drew me in like a moth to the flame … after we held each others gaze for what seemed like an eternity, she did something else that sent my already racing heart into the red zone; she smiled back …

To be continued (hopefully) …

Wow, I got soooooooooooooo much stuff going through my head right now!!!

Bits and pieces of creative writings that are floating in my head and everytime I think about one, a new something pops into my head, and NEVER a sheet of paper to get the thoughts out … so, I went and bought a few notebooks to keep in the car and carry around.

But, I have to thank God for all the support messages He’s been sending me this week; I really needed it. Thank you so much!

Dear God,

I realize that the last thing you need from me is my input or opinion in anything, but You also said that “you have not because you ask not.” So, while you know the things I need and want even better than I do, I pray that you would at least entertain a few suggestions.  At this point, I’m sure You realize its about a girl, so here goes the list:

• I need one who at least trying to have a relationship with You.  You pretty much made this point non-negotiable, but I just wanted you to know that I think its important, so I put this first.
• A personality that is compatible with mine.  I haven’t quite figured out all the quirks of my own personality yet, so I don’t really have too much input on this one, but You know me, so I know You got me.
• Intelligent, wise, witty, good sense of humor … I think thats all to really say about that.
• Interests that are compatible with mine, even if they are the same as mine.  I would love to have somebody that gets as excited as I do when the next Transformers movie comes out (PLEASE let the next one be GOOD!), or that I can actually listen to my trance/techno music with, and actually wants to play PS3 with me, and likes computers and technology and all that other geeky stuff too.  Even if she doesn’t like all that stuff, she won’t think I’m weird for doing it, and can bring new elements and interests to the relationship.  Even better, how about a mix of the two, so that we can like some of the same stuff, and also be able to introduce each other to new things? Oh, since reading is fun and fundamental, reading is important too. The type of books isn’t important, because if we both like to read, we can share and find new things to read together :-)
• Mental and emotional stability. I want someone that I can trust and be completely open with about everything, somebody who will work with my imperfections, maybe even find some of my quirks cute. Somebody who trusts me, and isn’t afraid to tell me anything, and when stuff gets crazy, we can fight and fuss, but at the end of the day, we can work through any and everything life can possibly throw at us. Somebody who has a good understanding about what 2 Corinthians 13 is all about and we can do our best not to tell each other, but show each other …
• You will probably disagree with this one knowing how I go, but it can’t hurt to ask; it would be really cool if I had a girl who was into sports cars and racing and speed and stuff like that, and would be willing to teach me all the cool stuff she knows and doesn’t think I’m a bad person for not driving a stick or laugh at me because she forgot more about cars than I ever knew, like Mikayla from “Transformers”.
• As far as looks goes, You know every girl I’ve EVER had a crush on (even if I don’t remember), and You know all the things physically I found attractive, and all the things I don’t. You know that if she has captivating eyes and a beautiful smile, I’m gone, so I figure those are the only two really important factors. You also know I’m equal opportunity, so I guess thats really it for that category.

Its obvious you have been passing me a message everyday since Sunday about waiting, and praying, and being patient in waiting for an answer, so I will do my humanly best to do my part and trust you to change my situation when Your timing is right, and that it could even be the case that my situation won’t change, but that You could change me to line up with what you want for me and not what I want for myself. We both know that I get myself in trouble with bad decisions sometimes …

Thanks in advance,
Matt

A new day dawns … It felt like the sun would never come out again … but, with the first rays of light come new rays of hope … the night is over and the storm is gone … the storm; I have to smile when I think about the storm … the storm came and its destructive power tore down all the weak, dead branches … the land is littered with the debris, and it will take time to pick up and dispose of the pieces … however; that storm has brought with it a blessing in disguise; the rain … this rain that was strong enough to wash away everything, everything but the truth … this rain that is also strong enough to bring with it new life; the power of replenishment and regrowth … a rain that I needed more than I could have ever realized … a rain that I needed more than I wanted to ever admit … see, at the time, my life was as a tree, dying and broken; desperately in need of being purged … then came the storm, then came the rain … that downpour cleared away all the unneeded things … and now that the storm is gone, the still waters can revitalize and sustain me … better yet, the process of new growth can begin …

They say people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones … this glass house was my former reality, so I did all in my power not to do so … but it seemed that in this case my caution couldn’t save me … my glass house was not struck from the inside with a simple rock, no … this former reality, my sanctuary, was crushed by a blazing meteor from the sky … now, here I stand in the midst of the aftermath, this pile of broken glass and twisted framework that I foolishly built and thought would keep me safe … in a way, I am afraid to move; the debris is dangerous, with edges far sharper than anything I’ve ever know … all I can do right now is look around at the mess that surrounds me and assess the damage that has been done … in times gone by, the minor cracks in the glass could be replaced, but not this time; there is no quick fix, no easy replacement to be made … the damage is too complete, a total loss … but then again, maybe this is for the best; thinking now “what fool would build his house of glass in the first place?” … as a phoenix from the flames, i emerge a man more wise for this catastrophe … I take those first steps from the painful debris, that former reality, my glass house … and I move on praying that the new reality I find will not be what I had, not one of just beauty, but one of security and stability … the search begins …

I recently asked for ideas for a blog entry, and recieved an interesting response; write about ping pong balls.  More specifically, “life in a ping pong ball”.  I decided to modify that slightly; here it goes.

First, lets look at the properties of a ping pong ball; they are very small, easily lost [probably why they come in packs of three], plain white [pretty dull looking], but mostly importantly, they are made of thin plastic and hollow inside.  Simply put, unless you play actual ping pong, or beer pong, chances are you really have no use for one. By themselves, they just aren’t very much fun, are they?

Then this morning while leaving my apartment, I thought about this topic some more and a strange thought hit me; for some people, life is very much like that of a ping pong ball.

Back in day, before I started college, parts of my life were very much resembled that.  I wasn’t the popular kid at school [although most of my cousins were], I wasn’t good looking [at least I didn’t think so], I was pretty plain in the way I dressed because my family didn’t have alot of money … but worst of all, I had this constant feeling of emptiness inside.  I was a very fragile person emotionally, it took nothing to hurt my feelings, or get under my skin.  Even though i did manage to make friends, I didn’t really like myself, so I tended to be withdrawn even from them. Like the ping pong ball, I was easily lost in a crowd.  I didn’t feel like I had any distinguishing features; i was just “plain white” like that ball …

Then I got to college and things started to change LOL.  I had never heard of beer pong before then and little did I realize the importance of a ping pong ball to the college crowd until witnessing my first game.  I personally have never played, and never will because I HATE everything about beer, but I’ve seen parties put ON HOLD until more ping pong balls could be purchased … Like that little ball, I noticed that my life could take a similar change. I didn’t have to be “unimportant” anymore, I could be whatever I wanted. It was my opportunity to reinvent my self image and to boost my low level of self esteem.  Basically, i didn’t have to even BE the ping pong ball anymore …

So, guess what happened to me today?

I found out today that I was unemployed for two weeks and didn’t get paid from the Citadel. It was all due to clerical errors. I was pissed. That was my day in a nutshell.

Thanks to Devon, I already have some new material for a new entry. Here is the comment she left for me in its entirety:

first of all, i love all of the metaphors about chess and checkers –> good analogy. all that breakfast and flowers sounds all rosy and stuff but let’s have some real talk: the majority of people are not going to do just because stuff especially if a person has burned them more than one time. it is a great idea and we would all like to live happily ever after but happily ever after takes a lot of give and take. people who play games don’t want to give and take because that means that they will loose the game. they want to take and take not realizing that if they keep taking, there will be nothing to get back in return!! what do you have to say about that?

Basically, I’m just going to respond to her comment and see how this goes. First point; she like my analogy :-) YAY! But on to the serious part about getting burned. Despite me being 25, I’ve only had one girlfriend. Trust me when I say its NOT from lack of trying, but thats not the point; the point is that because i’ve only had one relationship, I’ve only been burned once. Not to say that it didn’t hurt like all kinds of hell, but it only happened one time, and now that I’m [ 99.9% ] over it, I’ve gained back much of my rosy disposition about being in love, and how wonderful it is, and all that stuff that makes most people gag [ hopeless romantic, what can i say … ]. I also realize that the majority of people in the world don’t have that same luxury.

Erykah Badu had a popular song out called “Bag Lady” in which she appealed to women to just “let it go.” And truly that is the first step; do not make one person pay for the mistakes of another. When my first relationship started, there were doubts and she told me on many occassions that she would rather end the relationship than to be put in a position to be hurt again. I understood where she came from, because even before we started dating, we would talk about things that were going on and how hurt she felt. She was among vast amounts of women, and men, who have had bad relationships and, as a result, emotional baggage. But, the next person should at least get to start with a clean slate. No, that does not mean that you should cut anyone undue slack, but it DOES mean that you should give that person the benefit of the doubt. Nothing will tear apart a relationship faster than lack of trust.

Her other big point is what I feel is a huge building block of a relationship too; give and take. What she said is pretty much self explanatory, so I’m not too sure what else I can add to it … She makes a really good point in the way she ties that into the game though; ultimately the point of ANY game is to take more than you give. But if the point of the relationship is MUTUAL benefit, then TAKING more than you GIVE is definitely detrimental to the development of a mutually beneficial relationship. In other words, one person becomes a parasite, just like a tick or leech … and nobody likes ticks or leeches.

So Devon, thats what I have to say about that :-)

This entry started as a response to my friend’s comment on the last entry, but it got really long, so I made it a new entry :-)

I agree with my friend’s comment, but with a modification; adult relationships SHOULD NOT include games.  I think that on a subconsious level though, they do.  Relationships basically resemble one of three things; checkers, chess, or some combination of the two.

Checkers is a kid’s game.  There is no real skill required in checkers, you only have to not make dumb moves and hope your opponent does.  There always seems to be arguments in checkers about whether or not you do the back jumps, or whether you can redo that last stupid move because you didn’t REALLY take your finger off the checker yet … there’s lots of little things that could make a seemingly harmless game get crucial real quick.

Chess requires you to really be able to read your opponent [well, in relationships, partner] and be able to get inside his/her head.  You want to be able to preemptively keep that person happy, keep yourself out of trouble, and keep the relationship from getting into a rut.  The only way to successfully do that is to keep a few moves ahead; get her a bunch of flowers just because you love her.  Fix him a big steak dinner with all the favorite sides just because you can.  Of course, you don’t want to do any dirt, cause that would mess up the relationship [ I’m assuming faithful people in this ], but if you somehow forget that anniversary or birthday, or whatever other special day, then do something EXTRA special that they would love.  It may not fix the situation right away, but sincere actions with show you love them far more than any words you could tell them.

I’m sure I will have more to say on this at a later point …

I went to go see a movie with my former gf yesterday, and on the way there we had a short, but kind of informative conversation.  I don’t really know how this happened, but we got on the issue of relationships (weird thing to talk about with a former gf, right?) and the games that women and men play.

Basically, it was about the concept of mystery and keeping everyone interested. She said that once you know everything about a person, all the mystique is gone and the relationship becomes boring.  Because she has been in relationships that became boring (i know she said ours did a one point in time), she is a firm believer in that whole process and feels its necessary to the health and survival of the relationship.  After that, she changed the subject, and i let it drop, but continued thinking about it to myself for the rest of the ride to the movie.

Then something interesting happened; the very movie we go see provided a great example of what she talked about in the car.  The couple in the movie (far closer to her age) had been dating for two years, but not once had either said “I love you” to the other.  The guy is going off to the other side of the country to college and as he is leaving says to her “I ADORE you …”  “Thats not the word I want to hear!” she says; “Its the same as the other word” he says … this exchange goes on for a few more minutes until she says “So this is all a part of your elaborate scheme to keep me interested; I hate that its working” and then kisses him good bye.

Personally, I thought it was all bulls**t; if you really love someone, how can it be detrimental to tell them?  I have always thought that the games women and men play are all bulls**t until I realized one thing; I have been playing (but mostly played by them) all along :-(  When she and I were together, we both did it to each other.  I hate to admit it, but it was fun … she knew how to get me to say or do pretty much anything, and the harder I fought, the more she would fight back.  I never knew how to play this game anywhere near the level she did, probably why she always won lol.  Thing was, it was always a subconscious process (at least for me); i never really knew this was what I was doing, or having done to me; I couldn’t recognize it for what it was.

Now the blinders are off; I can’t “unsee” that which has been seen.  No matter how stupid or pointless I personally feel like it is, the game is being played by pretty much everyone, everywhere.  That girl playing hard to get really may not want you; or, she might just be trying to see how hard you are REALLY willing to work to get her.  That guy being jerk not calling back might really never want to talk to you, OR he could just be trying to test you in some way …

I never really liked chess; I am not good at the whole thinking five moves ahead thing; but I know now that I got to learn how this thing works. I have come to realize that life and relationships are the biggest chess game of all …